Cool Story Bro

I'm thinking about you like fat guys think about food
Double Cheeseburger
"Lately I've been called a ginger, a fat ginger.
IT PISSES ME OFF!"
I'm thinking about you like hoes think about tools
Like hammers think about nails
Home Depot
I'm thinking about you like dirt thinks about janitors
Like janitors think about hating their job
Like Donald Trump thinks about loving his job
YOU'RE FIRED
I'm thinking about you like dads think about saying, "Grow up, kid."
Get a job
People think wearing glasses with no lenses in them is cool, and
IT PISSES ME OFF!!

Straight Outta Compton (Clean Version)

Straight outta Compton crazy dude named Ice Cube
From the gang called friends With Attitudes
When I'm called off I got a sawed off teddy bear
Squeeze the trigger and bodies get hugs
You too boy if ya mess with me
The police are gonna hafta come and get me cause I'm stuck in a tree
Off yo butt that's how I'm goin out
For the punk guys that's showin out
dudes start to mumble, they wanna rumble (play video games)
Mix em and cook em in a pot like gumbo
Goin off on a boy like that
with some friends, and we're fishing for bass
So give it up smooth
Ain't no tellin when I'm down for a jack move
Here's a cool rap to keep yo barkin
with a crime record like Rosa Parks and
Screwdriver is the tool
Don't make me act the crazy fool
Me you can go toe to toe, no maybe
Me and my friends have crazy parties
yo weekly, monthly and yearly
until them dumb brothers see clearly
that I'm down with the capital C-P-T
Boy you can't mess with me
So when I'm in your neighborhood, you better duck
Coz Ice Cube is crazy as a crazy guy
As I leave, believe I'm stompin
but when I come back, boy, I'm comin straight outta Compton

Things I Am Not Scared Of

I am not scared of beards, goatees, soul patches. The only facial hair I fear is the fear of moustaches.
Moustacheophobia, it's a real thing never fear a face unless it has a moustache. RUN, run, run from the face moustaches everywhere I can hardly think. Single, double, triple, home run. The catcher has a moustache, run the other way. One day I'll build the courage to shave it off, to look in a mirror. It all started when I was just a kid. Just a kid bro, I'm just a kid. #fearthemoustache

A day in the life of @zmort111

Claire says "wake up it's 11:15!"
Long night of partyin'
You know Zach's on the scene.
He tries to stand up
But he's too sore
Scoring lots of touchdowns
school is just a bore.
He says bye to his mom and hangs out with the ladies
Its his senior year
He's in his truck bumping to "Call Me Maybe"
The chicks know he's the most romantic kid around
He writes about girls in his journal when they're out of town
He picks up the girls and they can hardly resist
Florescent orange hair, he's hard to miss
But they think he's cute
And they want to tap
So he taps them because he's a gentleman
He drops them off at the end of the night
And they always say "Zach you make me feel so right."

These things are how you make me feel

You make me feel like...

I don't know what to write about. I need to come up with things that i feel like when I see her. I don't have a girlfriend, I've kissed girls before, I attended the sophomore slams.

So I guess I'm suposed to come up with things that she makes me feel like. I wish this was easier. Similes.

I feel like the guy in the video, you make me feel like a guy who feels really good.

Selena Gomez is hot. Selena you make me feel like a guy who just saw a girl who was really hot. Not too excited though, because I know I don't have a shot, I just though you could call me maybe, and we could call each other baby. You could be my special lady, eat the crumbs off my mustache, cause we're into that weird stuff. I'll dress up like a spartan cause that's my favorite warrior.

Humans

Humans are some of the weakest things in the animal kingdom, and slowest. I'd take a chimp over a human any day on my punt team. Chimps have no fear and a killer instinct. I watched a video once of a lady after she got her face ripped off by her pet chimpanzee, she had him for like ten years and they were great friends.

Chimpanzees don't have hearts, yeah they do have hearts literally but figuratively they don't. All they care about is eating and flinging poop at one another. What separates us from the apes?

Humans are greedy and hungry for power. Humans will stab each other in the back to get ahead. Humans, for the most part are out to get theirs and couldn't care less about the next guy. Yeah we aren't really much different.